One of my favorite catalogs came in the mail yesterday. You know which one I mean. The ones with yellow banana bag savers in them. Personalized flag display cases, memorial ashes lockets, and the hair cutting umbrella that is “an essential tool for the home stylist” (curiously resembling the Inspector Gadget’s costume). One of those design-unconscious, pseudo-scientific gadget magazines. I can’t wait to place my order.
1. The Slim Away.
You know, those before and after shots are quite amazing.
2. The Eyeglass Holders
I’ve thought about it, too, how cold my glasses get, just sitting on my dresser.
3. “How to Avoid Falling,” the book.
I’m not making fun of elderly people. I’m not.
4. The Therapeutic Neck Collar
Relieves a stiff neck. And reduces the effects of radioactive alien sunshine.
5.Lung Cream, 4 oz.
I wonder how you get it in there.
6. Bed Skirt Pins, set of eight.
You know that anxious feeling when you walk into a room and the bed skirt is all crooked? I hate that.
7. Stem Cell Therapy Cream
I’m not sure that this is what they mean.
8. The Bunion Regulator, not for persons with diabetes.
This elastic contraption is MUCH more preferable than invasive surgery in my opinion.
9. Zipper Pulls, color.
Finally! My zippers match my socks!
10. Belt Hole Puncher
Honestly, how many times are you really going to use that thing? Seriously. How many times?